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Safe Choices

Couple Holding HandsFear is healthy when it warns us of an immediate and impending danger, the need to be cautious or take preventative measures.

Danger can take on many different forms. In my last blog I mentioned just a few: driving or walking alone in areas that are unsafe or high risk, walking to your car alone in a deserted parking garage, locking your doors, etc. Most of these potential dangers can be prevented by putting precautions in place. There are many articles on safety that address these and other precautions.

There are dangers we sometimes don’t give as much thought to as we should such as dangers on the internet, identity theft, scam artists and predators. We are bombarded with choices and marketing schemes and don’t take the time to think through the costs and risks involved. It is so easy to get instant credit and we get caught up in spending without careful consideration of cost and the danger to our pocket books and finances.

In today’s world, we need to develop a cautious and healthy fear not only of scam artists but the relationships we enter into so casually. We don’t always recognize people who want to use us for their own gratification or purposes. Yet there are many signs and behaviors that are huge red flags of unhealthy and even dangerous situations.  

A healthy relationship involves two people who feel safe and comfortable within their relationship. Each partner is concerned about the other’s welfare and encourage and support each other’s goals and aspirations. Each is secure in their own identity.

An unhealthy relationship is one where you are being manipulated by praise and flattery for the other person’s gain or gratification, controlled by anger or threats, or where there is inconsistency, anger, intimidation or deceit. These ought to be red flags for you to pay attention to. If you are in a current relationship where you are experiencing emotional, psychological or physical abuse, seek some professional help and remove yourself safely from that relationship.

People who prey on other people look for individuals with a low sense of self worth, lack of confidence, appear needy or lonely and are unable to give themselves praise and recognition. They are easily manipulated through praise and flattery. (For more information about safe relationships and choices, consider the following books: “Life Code” by Dr. Phil McGraw, “Safe People” by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend , “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker, and “It Will Never Happen to Me” by Claudia Black)

An important part of taking the” next step” in your life is doing some important self work that encourages tapping into your inner strengths, challenging self-defeating core beliefs and developing the skills necessary to take charge in whatever situation you find yourself in.

©2013 Marlene Anderson

NOTE:  As I get ready to post this blog their have been a series of explosions in Boston where a marathon was taking place.  Wherever you are, be cautious and aware of what is going on around you.  Our prayers go out to those who have been injured and the families of those who died.


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