Who can put a value on friendship?

Friends – true friends – are like gold.

Over the years there have been many people who have moved in and out of my life. Some have simply been nodding acquaintances or associates I have worked with professionally. Others came into my life when I needed someone I could rely on or when they reached out for support. Common needs, concerns, or life situations brought us together for a short period of time as we worked on projects or agendas. Travel introduced many people with common interests where within a short period of time we became “friends”.

But the friends that remain over the years, through thick and thin, difficulties and good times, are the friends of which no price can be put.

These are the friends whose loyalty, tolerance and genuine caring have helped me over the many bumps and tragedies of life. Like the friend who flew home from England to help me when my husband became ill. No hesitation – no concern other than to be there to help. Everything else was put on hold.

No matter how far apart, no matter how seldom we connect, there is a bond that goes beyond distance or time that remains in place despite the years. These have become more than simply friends – they have become a part of my family.

Perhaps there have been friends in your life that you not only remember with fondness, but wish you could connect again. Reach out – call – inquire. Rekindle that deep friendship that was so important to you at one time in your life. Share old times, the concerns of today and laugh over old stories.

Distance, different paths, and life circumstances take us in different directions. But for those who are true friends, neither time nor distance can shake the friendship you shared.

Friends – they are truly one of God’s blessings to us. I am blessed because it is not just old friends that bless me, but the new ones that have become a part of my friendship family.  For all the friends in my life, I thank you for your love, and laughter, and caring assistance.  And I pray that I will always be the friend you need and want as well.

Marlene Anderson

I am thankful for time. Every day I have 24 hours to use. And yet, it seems I get so little done. But is it because I need more minutes in a day or because I need to allocate my time more efficiently?

How many minutes in a day do I waste worrying about the future? Worry without action becomes a wasted exercise of time.

How many minutes in a day do I waste thinking about the past – ruminating over what I should have done, what I said or didn’t say, how others may have interpreted my conversation?

Reflecting is important when we look for lessons learned and information gained in order to make changes in our behaviors that are more productive.

How many minutes in a day do I waste dreaming of what I want to accomplish but do nothing to design a goal and plan of action to make it happen.

There are so many minutes in the day that I have allowed to slip by without identifying and completing the things I want to accomplish.

I don’t need any more minutes in a day – I need to refine what I really want to do, make those goals and figure out a plan within the time frame I have to accomplish it.

I don’t need to cram more activities into each day – I need to be more selective. I don’t need a longer To-Do list, I need to prioritize what is essential and let go of the rest. I don’t need to work until there is no time left for rest and relaxation. I need to schedule time for respite.

How about you? Do you want more hours in the day – or less? Do you want to accomplish more or give up on your dreams and passions?

I challenge me to make better use of my time. I challenge me to set reasonable goals within reasonable time limits. I challenge me to be consistent with time management and to discipline myself. And within those challenges find the time to accomplish the things that are important, reduce stress and allocate time for rest and relaxation.

How about you? I challenge you to take a review of how you spend the minutes and hours of each day. How can you make time work for you, accomplishing your goals, reducing your stress and finding time for family and friends.

Marlene Anderson

So what is a blessing anyway? The Encarta Dictionary gives us these examples: Help that is believed to come from God or another deity; a religious act bestowing blessings on others; a prayer of thanks before a meal, approval or good wishes or something fortunate that has come your way for which you are glad or relieved about.

Wow – do we need all those words to define a blessing? Most of us would agree that a blessing is something fortunate that has happened for which we are thankful. We think of them in the moment as a relief from pressure, good news when we could only see bad news, an unexpected ray of sunshine in an otherwise dismal world.

I have discovered, however, that many blessings come disguised and are only realized at a later time.

Sometimes they are hidden in events that at the time we would consider disasters. Sometimes we discover them within losses where  we are forced to face our own vulnerability and need for God; where we are challenged to rethink what is really important in life.

These blessings often require purposeful searching to uncover them. But when we do, we are blessed with a depth of understanding and gratefulness we wouldn’t have had without the adversity we were confronted with.

I am thankful for being alive. Yet, being alive is something I often take for granted until faced with death. If you have dealt with cancer, watched a child struggle to live, or have missed a tragedy by seconds, being alive has a new depth of meaning that most of us seldom think about. It forces us to rethink our values.

Modern medicine has enabled me to walk, replacing two hips and fusing a back. I am thankful for good health and the challenges to remain healthy. Yet, I struggle with doing the things I need to do to remain healthy. I need to remind myself that I am blessed to be able to do the exercises that will keep me healthy.

Gratefulness is a lifelong habit that will bless us every day. But it does require exercise.

How would you describe your life? What are you thankful for? Is life just one set of problems after another? Or does life truly have more meaning that just being able to take that next breath when you came so close to never breathing again? Perhaps your thankfulness is deeper than most of us because you just avoided a life-threatening tragedy. You can remind us to be thankful.

It is so easy to focus on all the things that go wrong and in the process, continue to nurse our grievances. We look at problems as intrusions in our life instead of challenges to live more productive and happy lives.

In comparing ourselves to others we only see what we don’t have and fail to see all the things we do have. But when we change our focus, our life takes on a whole new dimension.

Have you started writing down your blessings yet? I challenge you. You will be blessed in the exercise.

Marlene Anderson

A couple of weeks ago, a good friend of mine threw out a challenge to her friends: for one week write down five blessings every day. I was one of those friends.

“Will you do it,” she asked. My response: “Yes, of course, and the list of blessings is endless.”

As I starting writing down all the things I was thankful for – the blessings that surround me every day – I began to think beyond just the item itself. Why was I thankful? What made it a blessing?

As I began to expand the explanation of why I was thankful and what made that item a blessing, it became a very revealing exercise. Most were more than just “in the moment” blessing, but a blessing that continued on for years. Many started out as something I wouldn’t consider a blessing at the moment, but in reflection and application became a life transforming blessing.

Over the next several weeks, I will be sharing with you the things I am thankful for in my blogs. As I share with you, I challenge you, too, to begin a list of things you are thankful and grateful for – all those many blessings – often disguised. As you write them down, ask yourself the same questions. And if you feel comfortable, share them on my blog site. I think the exercise itself will become a blessing.

Marlene Anderson

When events in life strip everything away that represents safety, stability, comfort and satisfaction, we face a reality full of doubts and anxiety that we do not want.

With fear and trepidation we ask God, now what do I do? What is the next step I need to take? Deep down, we know we can’t just return to what had been. And we find ourselves at a pivotal point.

We will experience many adversities throughout our lifetime. Some will be minor – others will require survival strategies such as how do I keep a roof over my head and food on the table. Others will be serious and critical, but we will have a little time to work on them.

Where do I begin?

The first step is acceptance. Give yourself permission to grieve your loss, but then make a deliberate conscious decision to accept the fact that you have stepped into a new reality. It is a scary place and we don’t know what to expect.  Fear can become an overwhelming force if we allow it.  If our focus remains on fear, it will rob us of our creative ability to find solutions.

Here are some suggestions to meet any adversity:

• Accept the fact that this is now a new reality

• Give yourself permission to grieve your loss

• Resist the impulse to allow fear to take over

• Put on your “ I Can Do it” hat – this is a mindset – an attitude

• Focus on all the successes in your past when you were faced with challenges – make a list and read it every day

• Refuse to listen to old messages from the past that says you are not good enough, smart enough, etc.

• Make a list of all your strengths – don’t minimize them or exclude any even if you think they may be unimportant – read it every day

• Acknowledge perceived faults, foibles, insecurities, fears, anxieties, etc. as being human. I can be okay with both my weaknesses and my strengths.

• Resist getting caught up in the blame game – it will keep you from finding solutions

• Make a list of all your options – brainstorm with a friend

• Prioritize your list, pick one and explore ways to implement this into a plan of action.

• Try it. If it doesn’t work, try another.

• Refuse to give up. It is precisely when we are tired, feel overwhelmed or feel like giving up when we turn a corner. Don’t let mistakes discourage you – use them as teaching moments

We discover what is really meaningful in life when challenged with adversities. It is where we discover God waiting to pick us up, dust us off, and set us on our feet again. It is where we discover hope and faith and strength to take the next step.  It is where we discover many unexpected blessings.

 Marlene Anderson

God’s people wandered in the desert for 40 years longer than necessary because they refused to follow His instructions. Once again they came to the River Jordan and God instructs Joshua to take them into their promised land. They had come full circle and were once again at the same place.

But instead of a land of milk and honey on the other side, they focused on all the obstacles: powerful giant men, walled and fortified cities, and huge armies ready to conquer or defend. They didn’t see the good things – the opportunities and potentials – they only saw the obstacles.

“God, are you really asking us to cross this raging river and enter this hostile country.”

And once again, God assures them. “Yes you are to cross – but you will not be alone. I will be with you. Remember all the lessons I taught you in the desert. It is time to apply them. As you go, I will continue to give you the directions you need. Just don’t be timid. Pick up the courage and strength and faith I give you and apply them. I am your God and I will be with you every step of the way. I know the path and I will show it to you.”

New paths – raging rivers – new beginnings – they can all be overwhelming and with fear and timidly we ask, is this really where I am supposed to go? Am I to leave behind all the comfortable things I have become accustomed to and strike out into new territory? How will I know which path to take?

Our lives often seem like deserts full of sand and rocks, or paths with few if any markers. Instead of possibility and potential, we look over the landscape and see a land of giants and insurmountable walls and obstacles.

Maybe you are at a crossroads in your life and are wondering which direction to take. When I have been at such crossroads and raging rivers, I have found that prayer has opened the door to ask for wisdom, peace and instruction. God has always given me the strength to overcome my fears and all the obstacles that lie in my way. And when I walk out in faith and trust, roads open up and I see paths that had been previously hidden.

Marlene Anderson

Sometimes words are not enough to express what is important in life – it can only be shown through pictures.

How do you share love.  How do you do good.  How do you live a life that cares.  How do you make a difference?

Someone sent me the following link this morning.  It was such a powerful piece, I wanted to share its message with my readers.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/uaWA2GbcnJU

How long will it take to look at the video?  Probably about 2 minutes.  Does it have a message we need to hear?  Oh yes.  For we are all faced with how to live with a moral compass that is expressed in our daily lives.

Every day we have opportunities to extend grace and love to another human being.  It requires seeing the needs of others around us and responding.  It requires putting the needs of others first and a willingness to sacrifice time, money and self.

Marlene Anderson

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven. . .” Ecclesiastes 3:1

There have been many books written about the seasons of life. A major loss or catastrophe is a season forced upon us that is out of sync with what we assumed to be normal and expected. Ecclesiastes reminds us we can learn something of importance in every season and we should not hurry through them.

Life is about change. And in the middle of change we are propelled into unfamiliar territory. It is uncomfortable and intimidating and we feel vulnerable. We want things to return to their former “normal”. We want to quickly find answers so life can become predictable, stable and comfortable again.

As we sort through the rubble caused by unwanted change, tragedies and losses we want to find answers to all the questions we have. We want to know why and make sense of things. But as we wrestle with the unknowns, we realize there may be a time to struggle and a time to let go and accept without the answers we want.

Life is about change and each season has its purpose. We continue to work in and out of seasons all our life.  We can use each season, wanted or not, to gain a new perspective of life.

Just as we use those long winter months to read or work on projects summer activities keep us from doing, we can use the season of change to broaden our perspective of life. The season of change can provide a time for reflection and an opportunity to discover something important about who we are.

If you are going through a change or grieving a loss, consider the following:

1. What are you learning in this season? What are you learning about yourself that you were unaware of before?

2. What have you gained from your loss? There are unexpected benefits we wouldn’t have known otherwise.

3. What thoughts keep you mired in anxiety over what you should have done, could have done, or didn’t do that might have contributed to this unwanted change or loss?

4. What have you gained in resiliency flexibility, tolerance, strength, faith, courage and trust? These are important attributes you may not have discovered without adversity or change.

As we expand our identity and frame of reference, we might minimize the important things we are learning. Yet it is these very things that help us grow in ways we might never have if we hadn’t gone through that season of unwanted change.

Marlene Anderson

We think of conflict happening within relationships. Differences between two people unless resolved, can destroy marriages and friendships.

But we can also be “conflicted” within ourselves. When we hold opposing beliefs, viewpoints, ways of thinking or values, it produces conflict. This inconsistency or conflict will continue until we are able to reconcile the differences.

When there is a dissonance (difference) between attitudes and behavior, we may modify our attitudes and beliefs or we can change our behaviors.

We cannot stay in a state of conflict for long. If we hold values, beliefs, or attitudes that are mutually incompatible with each other or behave in ways contradictory to our values, we will experience enormous internal stress. That inconsistency becomes intolerable.

Let’s say for example, you are a smoker. You are aware of the dangers to your health but it is difficult to stop and you continue to smoke. You are now conflicted. You enjoy smoking but smoking is harmful. This inconsistency will continue to produce an uncomfortable tension until you are motivated to either give up smoking or change your thinking about the risks involved in smoking.

Your reasoning may go something like this:

• I enjoy smoking – it is relaxing

• The chances of developing health problems from smoking may not be as serious as most people say – I’ve known people who have smoked all their life and are okay

• A person can’t always avoid every possible dangerous situation and continue to enjoy life

• If I stopped, I would probably put on weight and then have a more serious health problem.

This conflict resolution is called denial. Since we don’t want to stop smoking, we justify our reasons to continue. That is true for overeating, drinking too much alcohol, doing drugs (including prescription pain drugs), participating in dangerous or risky activities, etc.

It is never easy to reconcile our beliefs with our behaviors. Often its because we haven’t identified the beliefs and values that are important to us. If we go against them we will experience turmoil and feel guilty. Take time to examine the beliefs you hold and values or importance you have put on them.

Values are useless unless we live by them or implement them – making an honest effort to live our values. Know when it is okay to compromise. Decide which are most important. Then don’t compromise.

A well-defined value system is basic to personal motivation, self-determination and life-enhancing goals. When we control the direction of our life, rather than allowing it to be controlled by forces and values outside ourselves, a feeling of self-affirmation is created.

Marlene Anderson